Bio: A student and then colleague of Carl Rogers, Dr. Thomas Gordon pioneered the first structured parenting program. Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Trainings began in 1962 and his influence in the areas of communication in families, schools, and organizations has permeated the language and theories of effective communication since that time. Dr. Gordon died in 2002, but his work continues with Gordon Training International.
Key Ideas for Parents: Gordon's approach emphasizes effective communication and problem-solving skills for families. Active listening is the key strategy for parents to develop a strong relationship with the child that is based on good communication. The foundation of good communication using active listening in the family is a model for healthy relationships for a lifetime.
Articles by Dr. Thomas Gordon:
- How Children Really React to Control Natural Child Project
- Children Don't Really Misbehave Natural Child Project
- Families Need Rules Gordon Training International
- The Power of the Language of Acceptance Gordon Training International
- What Every Parent Should Know Gordon Training International
- The Case Against Disciplining Children at Home and School NoSpank.net
Strategies for Better Parenting:
- Active Listening - A method of listening where you reflect back your understanding of what your child says to you. This is meant to confirm to them that you understood their message. More importantly, however, this communicates your acceptance of the child's thoughts and emotions.
- I-Messages - A non-blameful, non-judgmental description of your child's unacceptable behavior, how it affects you and how it makes you feel. I-messages are effective because you are confronting the child's behavior and not attacking the person. As a result, the child will be much more likely to change their unacceptable behavior. The basic structure of an I-message is 'I feel [your feeling] when [unacceptable behavior] because [how it affects you]'.
- Behavior Window - A graphic tool to help people recognize how to define problems accurately, who "owns" them, and how to solve them. Understanding and using this Behavior Window can help you determine which communication skill to use and when and how to use it.